Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
