Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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