weddingsv make me drug and hornr
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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