I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
