First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
