the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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