ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
