Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
