So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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