she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bring me that man meat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
