my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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