I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
