btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
