i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
