Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
