he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
