i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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