"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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