I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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