Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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