I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
