I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
how drunk are you?
Several
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
