He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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