I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
