nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
