I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i need some magic done to my vagina
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