They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
