SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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