Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
