If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
