they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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