Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
