The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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