The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So much rum. So many feels.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
