I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
