if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
