Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
