Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got inside last night via doggy door
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
