someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
