Just cropdusted the office
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
