2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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