cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
