I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
