he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
