What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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