I got chris browned last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
