On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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