he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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