Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
