I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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