Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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