summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
