Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
